Archive for June 22nd, 2009

Speaking of fabulous French things; a friend of mine was in Brussels, Belgium over the weekend making me jealous with frontline pictures of my new favorite place, Johnny Velvet. Because she is evil. Unless she has brought me back some shoes and perhaps a nice boy to make me waffles. Because then she is back in my good graces. I hear those waffles are delightful. If you’re ever in the area, Johnny Velvet is located at 1 rue de l’hopital. I think. If I’m wrong you’ll just be wandering around Belgium aimlessly, which would still make me quite jealous. And by “if” I mean that you should probably plan a trip around this place because it looks like the inside of my head. And yes, that’s a good thing.

And don’t even think about crawling into one of their dressing rooms and making a home for yourself like Natalie Portman in “Where the Heart Is.” The spot will already be très occupée by me. I’m just killing you with the French, aren’t I?

How about some practical freshness? I’m kind of obsessed with these, and no, I’m not going to start a forest fire. Firstly, I don’t think I could put it out with one of these and secondly, I don’t do woods; I’m black. We tend to avoid excessive foliage. But just in case someone in your office decides to go bat-shit crazy and burn that mofo down to the ground you can save yourself and perhaps even earn some brownie points by not letting your cubicle neighbors char like a Bobby Flay steak in the blazing inferno. That’s what we like to call job security. Unless you set the fire, in which case the term switches to arson and subsequently, prison. My only issue with this lovely, lifesaving eye candy is the price; it retails for $133. Who knew fire safety could burn a hole in your pocket? Yeah I did… For that much I’m pretty sure that the last picture below says, “In the event of a fire, run. FAST. And please do not forget to take me with you. Because I am very pretty.” More or less. High school French was so long ago and I may be un peu rusty. Wow, that was pretty impressive. Oui Oui?

If you do happen to be fluent in French and want to show us all up, you pretentious bastard, here is the website where you can purchase one, or just admire the pretty colors. You can even build me one! No. Thank YOU.